Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
