some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
