Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
