Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
