Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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