Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
