When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
