Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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