Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
