sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
