My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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