My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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