people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The best revenge is premature balding
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
