I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
