you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
