hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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