it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
