I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
