He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
