I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
