imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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