exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
