Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
