Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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