OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
