Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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