Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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