no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
