Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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