Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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