I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
