take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
