the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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