Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
