9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
