You made me cry and you don't even care
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm experimenting with sincerity
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
