C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
