Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
