Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
