I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
