So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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