He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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