I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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