they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
