At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
