Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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