You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
