i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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