Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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