Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
