I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
