It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
